Addiction, foster care, court orders, counseling, churches, and news media
A Fox News reporter, Megan Fox recently asked, “Do you think it’s ever appropriate to “coerce” children into loving someone through force and court orders?” My first instinct is to tell parents to stay away from court systems. I think I am going to stick with my gut instinct on that one. Giving complete strangers that work in courts control over your life is just an all around bad idea. This particular story is a hard call because they are already in the court system and I do not know the whole story. I doubt that any of us ever will. We may know one side or the other, but I doubt that we will ever actually know the whole story. Not knowing the whole story though I think that Megan Fox makes some good points, but leaves out some good points too.
My first thought is that she is being too harsh on the mother in her story. Apparently the author has been working with the dad and is biased against the mother because of drug use. A lot of people are. I wonder if Dad was dad using too? Did he quit and Mom continued? And then my mind wonders to all the scenarios that could have happened. Did Dad get clean and run Mom off? Did she have family support? Is there another man? Or another woman? There are so many things that could have happened to this family that we don’t know that it is hard to make any judgment.
Plenty of drug addicts get to foster and adopt. Was she forced out of their life or did she just leave for no reason? Addicts don’t do drugs because it makes them feel good. Maybe in the beginning but it turns into something that they know hurts them and they can’t quit, or maybe the family was so hateful that they kept pushing her back to the people that accepted her.
And then, think about the recovering addicts in the churches running countless foster children through their homes every month. I guess that because they are “state approved” they never relapse like normal addicts that are not state approved do. Right???? It’s just a hard call to say anything about Mom or Dad one way or the other at this point. Why does Dad want media attention? …… And then there is a parents job to teach moral and Biblical skills and knowledge. Forgiveness is the key to healing one’s own self more than the person being forgiven. We never know what God has planned. I think it is dangerous ground to interfere with the hierarchy of authority that God makes. Once parental authority is broken trust issues never really get solved.
It can take generations for a family to heal. I thought about how damaging this story could be for the family and I had to ask others what they thought. So I went to a parenting group and asked them what they think about it. I received several answers from a diverse group of parents and family members. Some are foster and adoptive parents while others are biological parents. One parent said, “People don’t want to adopt drug babies. They cry a lot and have developmental problems. Cps will give the drug addicts a lot of chances to get their kids back cause no one else can get paid enough to take them. The healthy drug free baby is one that is hard to get back and these nurses and doctors are actively seeking them to steal.” Another woman that is foster approved disagreed saying, “Drug addict babies can make a full recovery. The key is to get them to bond to a caregiver immediately”. I jumped in saying that I don’t know if the children ever “fully recover”, they may learn to cope. How do you recover from losing your family over drugs? The foster mother came back saying, “They did a study in Ohio back in 2015. I am sure there is always residual underlying issues but generally speaking the new born can recover. This issue is when you take a baby, put them in with a foster family, wait 2 years and then reunited them with their mom( who at that time would be more of a stranger). The idea for this babies is to have 1 strong caregiver. Not bouncing back and forth because mom can’t recover”.
“This issue is when you take a baby, put them in with a foster family, wait 2 years and then reunited them with their mom( who at that time would be more of a stranger). The idea for these babies is to have 1 strong caregiver. Not bouncing back and forth because mom can’t recover”.
So here we go. My concern exactly is that once the family hierarchy is destroyed, what happens next. Foster care, jails, a not so bright future. The discussion turned to more of a religious conversation after the foster determined that it is God’s will for her to convince everyone that God’s will is for church members to take addict’s children into foster care. We will have to do another story on that one. Is it ever appropriate to “coerce a child into loving a parent through court orders? I may have to agree that it would be appropriate if a foster that was supposed to take care of a child temporarily decided that they were not going to give the child back. What do you think? Tell me in the comments below.